Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Top 5 Simons Of The Year

I know many Simons, and they are very nice people, or at least a Simon. Some have a lot in common, mainly being a Simon. Here I present the bestist Simons I have encountered in Si-tastic 2006!

SIMON # 5: Summer Si!

Oh, the glorious memories of a baking summer, running with the nerf herds and engaging in clandestine frolicking with Veronica Mars. Also notable for the exact moment when Simon (yes, he's the only one, the rest of you are just dreaming) switched from being a Cherry Coke guzzler to a water-fiend. This change was remarkable, as not only did it make Si healthier, but also meant he got drunk slightly quicker at the pub. We really should have all followed suit, but frankly were too pissed to bother. Hoorah!


SIMON # 4: 60's Si!

If I recall correctly it was this photo, taken with my swanky new phone, that prompted a frenzy on the battle-cry that was to be "bluetooth!". Oh, don't get me wrong, it had been uttered before, maybe even loudly at times, but I believe it was this image (as if Andy Warhol had teleported to the future and gone "Ooh! Camera phones! Blimey!") that brought the rebel yell of "bluetooth" to dizzy new heights. For this we thank you, Si!


SIMON # 3: Happy Si!

You see, the deceptive thing about a Simon is just how quickly they can hide their joy and display a face with the cold, dead eyes of a killer - much like a crocodile springing forth from the stream to ensnare an unknowing gazelle. It's a little-known trait that most Simons have picked up over years of evolution, like the X-Men. He's actually really happy in the places you can't see in this pic, and also he's wearing a hat I lovingly made him at work to demonstrate how happy he was. Of course, I forgot about his hiding-the-happy technique, so it falsely appears he hated being in this photo. Sneaky little Simons.


SIMON # 2: Simon Cowell!

The Simon is a caring and generous being, always putting others before himself, and more than willing to play the fool for the merriment and enjoyment of those around. Which, of course, makes the friends of a Simon love him all the more. This wasn't one of those times though. Nay, after navigating the mighty and treacherous journey home from the ale house, stopping only to forage for berries and converse with Elmer the Grumpy Hog, The Si decided to rejoice in his feelings at being home by dancing the merry dance of the wood nymph, Aleesha, whilst preening his feathery buttocks for the winter harvest. Hail to the Si!


SIMON # 1: Christmas Si!

It seemed right, it being the season of goodwill and all, that this latest of Simons should prevail in the Simon contest. In an attempt to get me in a holiday-spirity mood, The Si wrapped himself all fancifully in the finest tinsel and trimmings the land had ever seen, and screamed "BE HAPPY!" into my face. You may notice this Simon displaying the trait that I brought up 2 Simons ago, that of being able to hide their pure, childish joy at having their photo taken and instead project a face of terror that may only be bested by the Ghost of Christmas Past himself.

Bah! Huzzah!

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Huzzah...
aay.. aay... aay ..aay..
wheeeeew...
mooooore...


oh.. guess hes not coming back on.

1:00 AM  
Blogger Jon said...

(Vas you dere, Charlie?
No, he's not coming back on, but he is hanging around upstairs within easy reach of the drunken groupies!)

I can only assume this post is a probing attempt to get Si to actually write a blog in defence of himself, or maybe even ridiucule of you. Might work.

4:42 AM  
Blogger Andy said...

I'd vote for 60's Si, that hair is *so* Alan Davis

3:21 AM  

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