Monkeys for Junkies

So, today I lost a part of my body. A tooth, to be exact. It wasn't through choice, I'll have you know. I didn't wake up, look in the mirror and say "The inside of my mouth could be a little slimmer". No, it was stolen from me. Stolen by mother nature, that filthy sick bitch!

About a week or so back two new wisdom teeth started to rage their way through the tissue of my gums, like icebergs piercing a cruise liner - except with teeth and gums. It wasn't welcome, and not really necessary as my mouth seems to have been doing fine for 27 years without these new additions. Was I not chewing fast enough? Did my body feel an introduction of 2 new students into the Tooth Club was needed in this modern society of integration? Helpfully, I had no say in this matter, nor was I even invited to committee meeting.

And so, after a week of pain (which I can only assume was the old teeth bullying the new teeth), an outsider took matters into his own hands and removed one of the offenders from the club. Ironically, it was an old member of the club, not these new arrivals, that got displaced. And now everything hurts and I can't feel half my face.

So what have we learnt from this badly-shrouded metaphor, kids? Bullying is bad. And wisdom teeth hurt like a fucking cunt.