Harry Potter and the Missing Hermione

With the recent news that Emma Watson will not be returning to reprise her role as Hermione in the final two Harry Potter film installments, this leaves something of a conundrum. Having reportedly turned down £2m per film to keep on playing the whiney blonde one, and also quoted as saying she's tired of being known as "that girl from Harry Potter", she's decided to abandon the franchise in order to focus on her career... Her career?... Say it with me - Her career!

It seems puberty has fully broken and the inner diva is fully fledged now. Whilst Danny Radcliffe is off working with Ricky Gervais and getting his nads out on stage, and even Ginger Grint has been making grown-up films with his new bezzie mate Julie Walters, little Emma has been branching out from her typecast shadow by doing... absolutely nothing. Here's a tip, Em, if you want to focus on your "career" you may want to try and get one first. Is this girl so dense to not only turn down an easy £4m, but also to not realise that Harry Potter IS her career.

The rest of the cast seem happy to return year after year, and I'm not just talking about the kiddies. Gary Oldman, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Ralph Fiennes etc all seem quite content to stay with the series. For the artistic integrity? For the chance of winning Oscars? Of course not. It's an easy job and a steady (and hefty) income that gets them seen by millions worldwide. In short, they're not stupid. And they don't seem to view themselves above the work. Not so much, it seems, can be said of Em-Wat. Indeed, Ginger Grint himself recently said that despite working together for five years, she hardly ever speaks to him or Danny-Rad anymore.

Good riddance then. She, as a limited actress, is entirely disposable. However, the same cannot be said of the character. So a replacement must be found. The small-brained studio people are no doubt right this moment drawing up a list of every semi-known teen actress on the planet that can just about handle an English accent, or holding open auditions for thousands of unknown wannabes. Silly, silly, small-brained studio people, I say. The answer is obvious. There is currently one British actress who is universally adored and would, with the audience employing a little suspension of disbelief, slip effortlessly into the role. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the solution below....

UPDATED: Emma Watson, the selfish bitch, has recently made this entire blog pointless by issuing a statement saying that, despite the rumours, she is indeed signed and staying with the franchise until the final film. Which basically means: a) she was haggling for more money, and b) I wasted an awful lot of time on this blog for no reason.