Sassy Robots
Too much time on my hands, so yes, many a film has been watched. It was actually a hard choice as to which film would be the lucky bugger this time, but ultimately I picked the one I want everyone to watch... Yes, ladies and gents, it's another installment of Ian's Useless Movie Reviews!!!! This time...
'SLITHER'
I'm gonna keep this one fairly short, as that going in-depth on story-points and acting/directing choices are a bit pointless on a film like this. But, if it matters, the story is brilliantly simple, the acting spot-on, and the direction is first-rate. But enough with that serious stuff, I can't be bothered. So instead I'm going to list 5 reasons why you simply MUST watch this film! Here goes...
1). Human Slug! A complete prick in a small town gets infected by an alien something and turns into a slimy, goopy slug thingy, and goes around eating local dogs and cows.
2). Betty Brant & Pam! Yes, the lovely Betty from the Spider-man films and Jenna Fischer. the cute-as-a-button Pam from The Office are in this. They are both hot. That is all.
3). Captain Tightpants Is Back! Not forgetting the ladies, a certain Mr Nathan Fillion is the lead here, throwing more cool one-liners at the camera than should be legal. And just generally swaggering in his he-should-be-the-new-Indiana-Jones cool way. Did I mention he's cool?
4). Tiny Worms! A shitlload of them to boot. After a disgusting/hilarious sequence the town is infested with millions of tiny alien worms. Think Arachnophobia, but loads more creepy. You'll never take a bath again.
5a). Zombies! Tons of the bastards, all ripping people/dogs/sheep to shreds with a single cry of "meat".
5b). The Funniest Horror Finale Of All Time! I can't really say what it is, but trust me, it's ace.
What are you still doing reading this?! Why aren't you watching it yet?! If you actually have blood in your veins those 5 (ish) reasons should have sent you loopy by now. If you long for the days of gloopy, drippy, slimy horror films from the 80's, such as Carpenter and Craven used to make, then watch this now...
10 Crabs out of 5.
1). Human Slug! A complete prick in a small town gets infected by an alien something and turns into a slimy, goopy slug thingy, and goes around eating local dogs and cows.
2). Betty Brant & Pam! Yes, the lovely Betty from the Spider-man films and Jenna Fischer. the cute-as-a-button Pam from The Office are in this. They are both hot. That is all.
3). Captain Tightpants Is Back! Not forgetting the ladies, a certain Mr Nathan Fillion is the lead here, throwing more cool one-liners at the camera than should be legal. And just generally swaggering in his he-should-be-the-new-Indiana-Jones cool way. Did I mention he's cool?
4). Tiny Worms! A shitlload of them to boot. After a disgusting/hilarious sequence the town is infested with millions of tiny alien worms. Think Arachnophobia, but loads more creepy. You'll never take a bath again.
5a). Zombies! Tons of the bastards, all ripping people/dogs/sheep to shreds with a single cry of "meat".
5b). The Funniest Horror Finale Of All Time! I can't really say what it is, but trust me, it's ace.
What are you still doing reading this?! Why aren't you watching it yet?! If you actually have blood in your veins those 5 (ish) reasons should have sent you loopy by now. If you long for the days of gloopy, drippy, slimy horror films from the 80's, such as Carpenter and Craven used to make, then watch this now...
10 Crabs out of 5.
posted by AlphIANo at 10:11 PM
1 Comments:
Sounds very intellectually stimulating, you shall have to lend it to me to help me broaden my horizons!
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